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  Chapter 1

A Life Worth Living

I sit watching the rain streak the window pane refreshing, renewing the earth. I am thinking of the garden, the garden of life. What is a life? What is the passion, purpose, and pursuit of a life? Just one life what does it mean? This life?

I am the flower that springs from a blade, then grows into a beautiful blossom, then fades; the glory of this life fades into death. So what is life?

So what do you want to hear? When I was young, my son, like you, I had great dreams of many lands, peoples, and all sorts of stories, adventures if you like. I wanted to see, hear, feel, and breathe a full life, a full experience of life and all that it could yield.

When I was born it was raining, the winter had begun. I came into a tempestuous parental relationship blind and as helpless as every infant that enters this life. The place was as transit as any Indian’s Tee Pee or temporary dwelling that ever existed since the beginning of time. Now I know that such is this life, a tent, a yurt, a temporary body we have on part time loan until it fails us then we cast it off.

Then what happened mother, you ask then what was next!!!??? Well, then you must learn and grow, make choices and mistakes, have regrets, get up after you take a fall, and pursue what was created internally to be fulfilled in this destiny called life. You either find God at one point and place in this time continuum or you don’t and in doing so you slip into the pit of death. To be born, to live, to die, everything else in between is what will define how eternity is wrought in your very soul. Your soul that will live forever, my love, forever.

The chapters of my life begin and end. I sought You Lord! I looked for You in the dark places the haunts of dragons and demons for I knew the supernatural existed. I knew there was something beyond these five senses called reality. I did not find it in the great Cathedrals and catechism. Why was it that the lives of the Saints only told me that my aspirations were unattainable? I fell short of their holy mystic. The dark side of evil drew me in its deceptive web. Always sensitive to the realm of the spirit, always searching for the compelling in my heart, I was snared by the lure to numb the heart pain.

Where is the end of sin? Where is the freedom that should be within? Where are you God? God, God of my youth that was not conveyed by the spirit of truth but a form without power?

To live is to die, to die is to live, where are You in the sifting sieve called life lived, oh God? In humility I fall on my face with chain rattling torment searing the body crying out for someone to save me. Jesus was His Name! Flooded with life and peace the darkness ceased I became born again by the spirit of the Living God. I sleep the sleep of peace in His arms, deceased are my tormentors gone from harm is my life in Him.

Then everything that happened from time before is gone, out the door, it exists no more. It is all new, made new, made new just by You, Oh Lord! I am lost no more. I am found. Do you want me to go on? Tell you more?

So hope springs forth eternal in new life, a wife and children, a broken heart, and the dream will come to an end. My dream queen, I will never forget you, forever my covenant is with you undying, until the one day you have found out that they were lying and incapable of truth in character.

Well bye and bye! I am free now I am free! I will not live with a lie! You have set me free! No more tyranny!

I am telling you this is just a memoir not an exact biography which can be such a bore. I am watching the rain fall all around. I am thinking about this game called “I am lost… now found. I am free all around. A note escapes from my flute. I want you to know me by the spirit not by the flesh. I want to touch your soul, heart, mind with the kiss of fire and breathe the life the very breath of the living God into you.

What I have for you are vignettes slices of life that show how the eternal will break through the temporal, directing all that you do if you are surrendered to Him through and through. One day my breath will leave my body but I will always be with you, those that I love and those that hate me will hear me in eternity.  I will never leave you or forsake you even unto the end of the ages and the finish of these pages.